Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children

I wish, I wish, I wish I had read this book and heard Dr. Hughes speak before my explosive, difficult-to-parent foster son moved in. And then, reread the book again every three to six month months after that.

Fortunately, we have managed to make a lot of progress in spite of my mishandling of many situations, but how much sorrow and anguish we could have saved for both my son and myself had I understood what was going on.

For me, the book is a perfect blend of theory and example, but I do think Dr. Hughes (or someone) might consider writing some of this advice in the format of Boy’s Town Foster Parent book, which is so helpful because it just tells the parent: do this. Sometimes, when the chaos is at its most intense, I need to be told what to do (kind of like my son!)

For those of you who are foster parenting and want to be reminded of what a difficult, demanding job you are doing, how important your role in the life of the child is, and that there is hope to create a loving, joyful relationshiop — read Dr. Hughes book, and, if you can, attend a workshop. My hope, energy and commitment have been renewed. Thanks Dr. Hughes.
Rating: 5 / 5

Psychologist Daniel Hughes has done it again with his newest book, Attachment-Focused Parenting. In his highly-skilled and talented manner, Hughes has managed to take the complex terms and concepts of attachment theory and make it accessible for the reader. Hughes helps us to better appreciate that the parent-child relationship is a two-way interaction, with each being greatly influenced and affected by the other. Of equal importance, he helps the reader to see that parenting goes way beyond guidance and discipline; rather, both parent and child require a context for understanding what happens between them, and each is influenced by their own history.

Hughes relies extensively upon examples and real-life scenarios as he makes his points. In doing so, he appeals to a wide spectrum of parents. That is, he cites the example of a four-year-old who screams with frustration, while later addressing the parent-child struggles of a 16-year-old. Independent of age, however, the concepts Hughes lays out are universal for all children, regardless of age.

Get ready, though, as Hughes reminds us that the parent’s own attachment history greatly affects the parent-child relationship. This certainly isn’t new, as how often have we caught ourselves saying, “I never thought I would say/do what my father/mother did…” Without writing a self-help book for parents, Hughes proposes some questions and concepts parents should ask themselves about their own history, given the part it plays in raising their kids.

As a child psychologist who primarily works with foster and adopted children and their families, I continually deal with kids who have their own attachment issues to work through. While a professional can assist a child in this regard, much of the work to be done centers on the child’s relationship with her parent, be it foster, adoptive, or birth. Because of this, Hughes’ book will be at the top of my reference list for the parents I work with, but also for other professionals.
Rating: 5 / 5